o, I am driving home from another insanely intense day of something people refer to as "work". At said location I found myself bearing through the rigors of complex responsibilities such as checking email, playing Solitaire, posting on Hornfans.com, writing pointless emails to my buddies, and avoiding the temptation to check out an email message entitled, "wanna add 8 inches???" Needless to say, I didn't check out that link, because…well, that's neither here, nor there (obviously). But, anyway, back to work; doesn't growing up suck? I mean really, you have to do things like shave, shower on a daily basis, floss, pay bills, avoid the clap; basically you have to become an adult. And the shitty thing is that everyone has to grow up at some point, sooner or later…unless you're Peter Pan. Me, for one, I am enjoying life as much as I can right now, for better or worse. But I guess I am in a nostalgic mood because I keep remembering my childhood which was pretty much based on: playing baseball everyday (literally every day), jumping on the trampoline (especially when it was raining, for some reason that was the best), going to birthday parties every weekend (I'm Mexican, so I have a shitload of cousins), picking on my 2 little brothers (the Boner, who doesn't need any explanation if you've meet him, and Chris because he would cry when he couldn't drink milk. I shit you not). But one of my fondest memories happens to involve something that has gotten overlooked throughout history because of the evolution of technology: playing Nintendo; the original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), not Super Nintendo, Gamecube, Playstation, or X-Box, but the original Nintendo. Fuckin A'
So what created the NES boom? Some of you may remember, but I'm willing to bet that quite a few of you don't recall playing the Atari 2600, right? Right. Remember that console, holy hell it was a piece of shit, but man was it fun when you were young. Games like Kaboom, Pong, Pitfall, and of course, Pac Man were the best, still are actually. It was built like a cardboard box where you plugged in 8-tracks for games and pushed a switch to turn on. And the controllers? It was literally a joystick that move in 360 degrees and had 1 button. That button did everything, jump, shot, duck, dive, dip, and dodge. And if you played Kaboom or Pong, you had to use the paddles. Remember those fuckers? They were great, you basically spun a wheel around and, well, that's about it. I mean, how much fun was this when you were 6, 7 years old and you're playing a game on your TV? If you played Atari now, it wouldn't be the same. Sure, the novelty of playing Atari 2600 is great, but after you realize how much the games suck compared to what we have now, you'd turn the game off and do something else. Trust me on this one, my roommate and I ordered the original Atari 2600 with like 30 games and we hooked it up to our 65-inch TV and sure, playing stick-figure Basketball is all fine and dandy on a big-screen, but it loses its appeal after about 17 minutes.
Intellivision is also another game console that was prominent in the early 80's. I'll openly admit that I don't recall playing this game, if ever, so I can't really get into the details as I did with the Atari, but apparently kids played the Intellivision, as well as consoles like Channel F and Odyssey…at least that's what the media wants us to think
But those were shitty, so what was done to help video gamers worldwide? Well, naturally, you need to make a better product (I think I learned that in one of my business courses in college, but I'm not sure) so, thus the NES was created. Released in 1986 (shit that's a long time ago) it was the first 8-bit graphics video system available to the public. Although the Asians got first crack at it in like '83, we got on hands on it at like 3 years later, and the American public hasn't been the same since. So what the hell is the significance of the 8-bit? Well, basically a fancy way of saying that it "doesn't look so shitty on your television". But, man, remember when this came out and it was the coolest and most kick-ass thing you have ever seen in your, young, but journeyed, childhood? I remember the commerical for the original NES and I was like I found my first porno mag; really moving for an 8 year old. The console hooked into the back of your TV and, sometimes you needed an adapter to hook it up properly. If you were like me and my family, we would always seem to lose the adapter, or never have the right one, so we were shit out of luck. Good thing for Radio Shack, I guess. But the package came with 1 console, 2 controllers, and 1 video game. And, yes, every one knows what game I am talking about. Super 'Fuckin' Mario Bros. Everyone played this game, hell even Lumberg played this game but I bet he always got killed by that midget mushroom motherfucker. Or, if you were from River Oaks, you probably opted for the "Super Sports Set", which was all of the above, plus you also got a kick-ass gun and a little robot guy and they also threw in 2 more games, Gyromite, which is the game you used the robot, and of course, Duck Hunt.
So what was so great about this? Well, for one, it was new and fresh, plus the Asians had a few years to mess around with it after they had it and they always are good with electronics (well, they are). Two, the 8 bit graphics; like I said earlier, this allows for a truer picture, sure overall it was still shitty to look at, but it was better than stick-figure basketball. And third of all, it also started to use other types of devices to use, such as a laser-gun, and a little robot to play with (not like that, Riv).
Duck Hunt was probably the worst premise for a game ever created. Basically you had a gun that plugged into the console and then you selected either "Ducks", or "Clay Pigeons". Well, when you select which game you want to play, there are a bunch of ducks flying around and you have to shoot them with only 3 shots. Now if you missed and the ducks flew away, you should have felt shame because a computerized duck outsmarted you and you couldn't shoot them; BUT, not only did you have to put up with that, but you also had a fuckin dog laugh at your shitty-shooting-ass. I mean it, when the duck would fly away, your trusty-dog would then pop up out of the grass and laugh at you. I know I wasn't the only one who tried shooting the dog, but no avail he would never die. Fuck that dog….yes, I'm bitter about him still. And, I don't know about you, but sometimes you didn't even need to shoot the duck and you would still kill it. I'm not talking about grazing the duck, but I'm talking about missing the entire screen and you would still kill him. There were times when I would shoot my brother who was sitting next to me, and the duck would die. So in hindsight, if you missed the duck, maybe the dog had every right to laugh at me.
Gyromite itself was a horrible game. I think it was more complicated to set the damn game up and set the robot up because the robot kept breaking apart and it would piss you off, at least it did to me. But let's look at Gyromite a little bit further. I don't know if you remember this game because it was on the market for like 3 weeks. But, apparently you were this little scientist dude and you had to travel around and, I think, set off bombs, or some shit like that. Well, there were obstacles in your way and you needed a buddy to help you navigate your way through the course, well that's where the robot comes in (I guess 2 player was too easy). But really, that was it, that's all it did. I felt like Tom Hanks in "Big" when he said, "I don't get it", because, well, the robot wasn't really used for any other games, and really served no other comprehendible purpose. Well, I used it to hold up baseball cards and other non-relevant stuff, but that's not what the people behind NES wanted…or was it? I mean after all, I did pay for it, and like Mark Mangino says, "it's all about dollar signs".
Super Mario Bros.? Now of the 3 games that came in the package, this was the best one, by far. I mean, it had everything, adventure, violence, drugs, and even a love story. Not to mention the subtleties of some pre-existing stereotypes. Wait, what? Come on, think about it, the people who made Super Mario Bros. wanted to portray Italians as violent people, I mean why would they create 'Mario' and 'Luigi', I sense they were building on the Italian mafia similarities. Also, Italian mafia (Mario and Luigi) are big into drugs, and if you don't think those mushrooms were psychedelic, then you are obviously blind. How else do you think Mario and Luigi could pretend they were invincible if they weren't tripping, much less shooting fireballs out their hands? Think about it. But, that said, Mario Bros. was a great game and because of its initial release and what its relevance, it has to be in the Top 10 NES games of all time. Speaking of Top 10 NES games of all time, here is my list, off the top of my head:
10. Double Dragon: a straight up ass-kicking game
9. Kid Icarus: anytime you go after Medusa, the game is intense
8. Tecmo Bowl: Video Bo Jackson
7. Excite Bike: you made up your own courses
6. The Legend of Zelda: Link was borderline gay, but the adventure off sets that
5. Track and Field: 2 words: Power Pad (more on that)
4. Metroid: only the gnarliest dude ever
3. Super Mario Bros.: all-time classic
2. Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!!: before the face 'tat, Tyson was money
1.Contra: The Code (more on that later as well)
Now, that list is obviously subjective because I love sports games, but other people like my buddy AJ, like playing Chip n Dale's Adventures, which is a good game. But for real, I left off a bunch of games: Paperboy, Karate Champ, Donkey Kong, RC Pro-Am, Double Dribble, all come to mind when you are talking about some of the best games, but whether you think my list is the best or not, you have to agree that all those games kicked major ass.
(Interesting side note: ever notice that games that are based on movies, or released after movies have been in theaters all suck. Case in point, Top Gun (all-time Top 15 movie) was great, yet the video game for it sucked ass, it was too complicated to drive the fuckin plane, no wonder Goose died. Also, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Commando, and to a point, Rambo were horrible games because they kept to close to the movie yet without ever branching out in their own way. How bout a little variety, for instance we could take a movie character, say, The Terminator and combine him with Paperboy. So now, in order to get your daily paper, you have to go through the Terminator, think about the possibilities. I think this has some legs, someone should run with this idea….I'm just saying.)
So what is it about Nintendo that was so great? Clearly we have quite a list of choices to pick and play on the console, actually there are probably like over 100 to choose from, you can check them all out here. Going back to what I said about me "learning" from my business class that you have to keep evolving and improving projects? Well, apparently the people at Nintendo had that same class as me because that's exactly what they did. No, I'm not talking about the Super Nintendo…yet. I am talking about creating more gadgets and doohickeys to purchase with your parents hard earned dollars. Again, when you are a little kid, you have all this energy and are running around outside and when you are done, you are exhausted, well the NES people knew this and thought, "Hey, what if we make a pad that you can run on and still play the game?" I guess they were thinking not only can you be completely reckless and annoying to your parents in the living room, but this is also a way to make some scrilla. I'm talking about the "Power Pad". Remember that shit? You used to have it in your living room, and you would have to play certain games on it, like Track and Field, and the only way to run faster on the game was if you ran faster on the pad? Man, those were the days. I honestly remember running so fast on that damn thing that I puked because I was so out of shape. It was awesome! You could challenge your brother, sister, friends, parents, anyone to a race. And this time if you were the brother on the game you still could lose, because if you were out of shape, or just a fat-ass, you would get smoked by your mom.
The Power Pad was great, but another creation that the people at NES thought you had to have was the "Power Glove"….why is it always "power" anyway? Was "another thing to make your parents spend money on" too long of a name? Regardless, apparently people thought you could put the glove on an instead of using the conventional controller, you could use a glove with a controller on it and still control your characters. Now, if you ask me this is just too damn complicated, but apparently not for some people, I remember when my friends had this and I would get jealous because they had it and I didn't. But, I guess that was the point. The only bad thing with the Power Pad and the Power Glove was that you couldn't use all the games with them, only some games featured the accessories. That was the shitty thing, I guess that's why Connie (my mom) never bought us the damn things, but sure my friends down the street had it, so I would be forced to play with them, even though I secretly hated them.
There were other creations that people made to get you to buy, well, hell there's a gun that doesn't shoot straight, a fuckin robot that falls apart, a Twister mat on steroids, a glove that looks like something Freddy Krueger wore, and to add to that list, they also made a "Game Genie". I know I am not the only one who had the Game Genie. For those who don't remember, it was an adapter you could attach to the video game, plug in a code and then you got all these free-men, super powers, and other crazy shit. On Super Mario Bros. you put in a code and you get 100 men to beat the game, what kind of shit is that? Who need 100 men to beat King Koopa? Well, apparently Mario and Luigi do, but I bet if they were so damn consumed with eating 'shrooms and throwing fireballs, they would get the job done. Actually, I kind of liked the Game Genie. See, I was pretty good at certain games, like RC Pro-Am, but I blew tits at other ones, like Kung Fu, because I couldnt handle that one dude who threw ninja stars. So I needed all the help I could get and that's what the Game Genie provided. Sure, it's a way of cheating, but still, if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. There were other ways of getting special tricks and treats from certain games, for instance, in Super Mario Bros. there was a way on a certain level to outsmart the game and get like 100 free men, without the Game Genie. I forget what level it is, but Mario gets a buffet of magic mushrooms, so you know he's happy. Also, if you were 7 at the time, I was, there was a level you could go and warp to the 6, 7, and 8th levels if you wanted to. Now, when I found that out, I thought I found the Zapruder films or something, I was a bad-ass because I knew how to warp to the last levels. But, I thought I was even cooler because I could spell "TIT" in the underground level by crushing the bricks with Mario…Connie was thrilled.
What about Metroid, anyone remember using the code: "Justin Bailey". I do. If you typed that into the password system you would get all the powers that you needed to beat the game, it was like you were Neo in the Matrix, without that whole dying-thing. There were thousands of other passwords, tricks, and cool things to do, but possibly the greatest code of all time, is simply called "The Code". Like right now, if I say, "Hey Chris, you know 'The Code'". You would have a 86% chance of knowing exactly what I am talking about, and if you don't, then you obviously never played Contra.
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start. That was the code, at the beginning of Contra game, you enter that code and you get 30 men to use. I think at the time, the code was great to use because Contra was pretty fucking tough to beat with the original amount of men you had to use, which I think was 3. But, I say that, and I remember my freshman year at college, one of my buddies said he could beat Contra with out dying once. We all called bullshit and sat there and saw him beat the game without dying once. I was impressed, it was a sight to see, that's for sure. I usually ended up using about 23 of the men given, but I would whip his ass at World Cup.
As with everything the world of video games evolved and became Super Nintendo, and then we had Sega Genesis and Neo Geo (sucked). After that was The PlayStation, and Nintendo 64, then we went to DreamCast, PlayStation 2, Gamecube and the Xbox. Eventually we will have a PlayStation 3 that is owned by everyone in the free world, to go along with the Xbox 360. These games nowadays are intensely graphic and complex. I mean in
(Speaking of cheating, one thing I did a lot when I would play other people and I would be losing, say, at Double Dribble, when the game was almost over and it was apparent I was going to lose, I always threw my controller at the game and reset it, or sometimes I would push the 'reset' button when other people were doing better than me, yeah, I'm a dickhead, sue me, but I'm still better at Ninja Gaiden)
The NES is overlooked, but with things like "the code" on t-shirts, or people dressing up like Mario and Luigi (sober) for costumes, like my brother did for our 80's party, NES will almost always be revered. It truly is a classic. You can often imitate classics like, Cheese Whiz, Def Leppard, and Nintendo, but there is nothing like the real thing. For instance, go to the mall and you'll see those shops in the middle of the mall that sell a replica NES system with the gun and loaded with over 100 games. Sure it's great, and sure it's awesome, but it's not the same. Much like boobies, there's nothing like the real thing (ok, bad example, but still).
So my question is after reading all this, is the NES the best video game console to come out? Or are the memories that we have from playing it what make it so much better? This is an honest question. Back then most of our lives didn't really consist of a whole lot, maybe we went to school, did homework (unless you were my brother), played outside, and talked about how much ass you kicked at RBI Baseball. That was life, you played, went to school, and played NES. The NES is probably the most iconic thing that a lot of us have, yet we don't realize it. Was it the system that made it that way, or was what is associated with it that makes it so great? I happen to think that all the memories and stories I have and just a general nostalgic feel towards that time is what makes the NES so kick-ass. I am almost 100% sure that by you reading this blog, you've probably got hundreds of random memories because of playing the NES. Those were the good days, huh? I mean worrying about how to beat King Hippo in Punchout, or how to build your next course in Excitebike was a lot less strenuous than worrying about bills, STD's, rent, relationships, or even growing up. Thanks Nintendo…
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