Changes...

(originally written March 23, 2008)

I appreciate finer art. Actually, let me refine that, I appreciate fine art as it relates to me. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, well, if that is true, it certainly explains to me why I think a smooth 6-4-3 double play is more beautiful in person than looking at the Venus de Milo statue. Granted, I’ve never seen the Venus de Milo statue, yet, I don’t think looking at an object that doesn’t have any arms can be considered that beautiful. It can’t. Yet, it’s that exact reason why beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. What is one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

When I think of the term finer arts I immediately relate it to two things: sporting activities and music. In my cultured opinion, this is fine art. It ranges from anything as simple as Tiger Woods’ golf shot to the manicured checkerboard outfield at Minute Maid Park. I like this, no, scratch that, I love that. This explains why one of my favorite scenes in life is walking into a Major League Baseball stadium on Opening Day; the fresh cut grass, the pine tar, the crack of the bat, everything; it’s euphoric.

They say pictures are worth a thousand words, yet those moments, along with someone like Tony Gwynn’s baseball swing are priceless. I know some of you may not even know what I am talking about, but, trust me, they are a lot easier on the eyes compared to something like Shawn Marion’s jump shot, Kurt Warner’s wife, or Hideo Nomo’s pitching wind-up.

My other form of fine art that I truly embrace is music; not just any music, but real music, not that shit manufactured by executives, MTV, or any other corporate businessman. I’m talking about real music, real lyrics, and real passion. You see it everyday in those people who aren’t in it for the money, they’re in it because they care about it, they’re passionate about, they need it. This is why I have such a grudge against bands like Creed, Hinder, Daughtry, and, of course, public enemy number one, Nickelback. As so goes the old anatomy lesson, without a heart there is no life, which explains why bands like these have no life; there’s no heart in it. It’s transitive property at its finest.

You’ve probably become well aware that I like music that is pretty diverse. I love the Wu Tang Clan as much as I love Ryan Adams. I have more Norah Jones’ albums than I do Led Zeppelin albums and the same amount of Lupe Fiasco, Of Montreal, and Vampire Weekend CDs. Variety is the spice of life and, well, let’s just say my laptop is a casserole of great music.

One of my favorite musicians of all-time is also one of the most controversial ones of all time. You all have heard hundreds of his songs because, well, his music is just that damn good and its unfortunate what happened to him and The Notorious B.I.G. Obviously, I am not talking about Mili Vanilli, but rather Tupac Shakur, better known as 2Pac, or just, plain, ’Pac. You could sense his passion in the lyrics, his passion in performances, and his passion in his demeanor. There was nothing fake about him whatsoever, he was the epitome of keeping it real. Unfortunately, it was also this mantra that contributed to him being taken away from us so soon.

Side note: I usually don’t get too political, if at all, but I wanted to say publicly that I am voting for Obama. Why? Simple, I think one of his first duties as president should be to bring back Tupac and Biggie. What? Come on, like you would think that is more impressive than anything Bush has done in the past 8 years…moving on.

I love Tupac, he rules, I don’t think anyone really has anything back to say about him, artistically speaking. He was one of the most innovative and combustible rappers to ever live and this is what made him great. Granted I grew up in Sugar Land so I didn’t fully relate to the ’hood mentality, but still it I a sight to see a suburban kid rocking out to I Get Around as a 12 year old. Its funny I don’t listen to too much of his music anymore, but I can promise you if Thug Passion comes on I can sing the entire song, some music is just like that. Once its in you, it doesn’t leave you. It’s the same way once you learn how to ride a bike it stays with you for the rest of your life. I Get Around is my Schwinn bicycle.

One of the better songs I thought Tupac wrote, and spoke volumes of truth, was Changes. Everyone has heard the songs, but I don’t know if every one has really listened to the song. There’s a big difference between hearing and listening, as there is a difference between looking and seeing, and talking and speaking…think about that for a minute.

Anyway, the reason I like the song is not because I am a gangbanger wheeling and dealing crack trying to stay off welfare but because the chorus really strikes everyone of us. Obviously, the name of the song is Changes and its titled this because as things in our life change, things, as ’Pac says, will never be the same, that’s just the way it is. And really, who doesn’t, or hasn’t gone through, change? I know I have, and that’s what I’m trying to finally get to with my point of this writing.

Honestly, I don’t know how many people will read this, and honestly, that’s fine but maybe writing this will bring some clarity to me and my thinking. I guess if I didn’t want people to read it, I wouldn’t have made it public, huh?

Anyway, this past month has been a whirlwind of emotions for me and really caused me to do a lot of thinking, both professionally, and personally. I don’t want to bring up any of the personal stuff because, as Prince sings, "big girls don’t cry"…not to say I am a girl, but you know what I mean. Obviously, the biggest change in my life has been the start of a new chapter in my life, I started working a couple of weeks ago and so far everything has been great, really I couldn’t have imagined working at a better system than Memorial Hermann. I’m not kissing anyone’s ass, I am just telling the truth. I remember when I first got out of college I kept applying and applying to try and get hired at Memorial Hermann…all to no avail. As they say, good things come to those who wait, and that’s the truth in this respect.

When the change came from working at a non-profit to the biggest healthcare system in the state of Texas, I had a myriad of feelings. I was, obviously, excited, but I was also a little scared, nervous, and even apprehensive. I know it may come as a shock, or surprise to hear something like this come from my mouth, but it’s true. I was almost scared of what would happen, or what is going to happen. But, honestly, isn’t this normal? Hear me out: When we become set in a routine, or something that is comfortable with us, we feel secure, like everything is okay because we know what is going on. This gives us peace of mind, unfortunately, its also why things go stale. Not to sound like a huge prick, but honestly, sometimes this is why people become bored with their lives and need to do something to add some type of spice to it. This is why there are relationships being in a rut, or a governor getting busted for hooking up with prostitutes.

At my old job I had become extremely familiar with my routine…checking email, playing on MySpace, writing blogs, playing darts, and seeing clients somewhere in between goofing off with my co-workers. Was it safe for me? Yeah, I knew what I could do, I knew what to do, but yet I felt bored at the same time. I guess you could say I needed a change. And that change did indeed come and I am were I am at right now…anticipating anything that may come.

Do I still feel in over my head? Maybe a little, but its getting easier by the day, I mean, I don’t get lost in the hospital anymore, so that’s a good thing. Like ’Pac says, things will never be the same, I wont get to wear sweat pants to work, or show up with 8 days of facial hair on me anymore, but this is fun. I get to dress up everyday, unfortunately, I also have to shave everyday too…that part sucks. But it’s fun. The relationships I had with my previous co-workers wont be the same, but in the same regard, I am going make new relationships with co-workers. This is fun. What isn’t fun is the uncertainty of starting a new job because its so new and fresh, this will pass I know. Actually its starting to pass. Hopefully in a month or so, everything will be smooth as my previous job was, I’m sure it will.

Do I miss my old job? Sometimes. I miss my friends, but I know that everything happens for a reason and that this change will be for the best. Nowadays, I’m not 75% nervous, 25% excited and 10% scared (I know that is 110%, but doesn’t every say they will give 110%? I never understood that, how can you give more than the absolute maximum?) No, these days I am 50% nervous, 30% excited and 30% tired of shaving every damn day. I guess I wont need a prostitute to cheat on my wife to keep some excitement in my life (honestly, how could you do that? No, seriously?).

Do I know what’s going to happen in the future? No, I don’t. Do I know what is coming up in my life in the next month or so? No, I don’t. Change is inevitable. Sometimes change is good, and other times change is bad, but one thing it always does to us is shape us into stronger individuals. I guess, I will just think back to ’Pac and remember his advice, sometimes, you gotta keep your head up…