We live in a pretty crazy place. How crazy? Well think about it: one of the best television shows out right now is so under the radar (Friday Night Lights) it's about 2 months away from being cancelled and it hasn't even had its second season premier yet.
Before you say I ripped off that statement from The Sports Guy, I'll have you know I said that long before he even mentioned it in his ESPN column last week. Actually I mentioned it like last year, so step off.
Want more proof? How about this: Nickelback has sold over 25 million records worldwide, yet I don't know a single person who actually owns one. Not enough craziness for you, here's a question for you. Which industry grosses more money than the NBA, the NFL, and MLB combined? Take a guess. I'll fill you in: it's the porn industry. Pretty crazy huh? Yeah, it is. Hell, cartoons aren't even the same anymore; have you seen cartoons these days? What happened to the days of Tom and Jerry, The Flintstones, or even Jabber Jaw? Like I said the world is a pretty crazy place.
I've said over and over, the world is becoming a messed up place, I mean it's not just the controversial stories you hear in the news everyday, i.e. The Jena 6, but it's the idiotic stories too, i.e. the Sooner fan who ripped the testicles off of a Longhorns fan in a bar because, well, the Sooner fan is an idiot. I mean, I've heard of penis envy, but this is taking things to a whole 'nother level. Like I said, these are just some of the examples of why this place we call Earth is really fucked up. Like Charles Barkley said several years ago, "What's the world coming to? The best golfer is black, the tallest player in the NBA is Chinese, and the hottest rapper (at the time) is white." At this point, you can say the hardest working man in the world is a Mexican and the guy who has the longest dong is Asian and I wouldn't think anything of it. Like I said, who knows where the world is headed, but it's headed somewhere. Fast.
One of the sad things about this place is that the public likes to bask in the humiliation of others. For some real strange, almost twisted, diabolical reason, the American public, let alone the general public enjoys watching others experience hardships, unfortunate circumstances, and almost to a point, our attention is captured by these events; almost as if we relish these events. People get entertainment out of seeing others, celebrities or not, face these uncomfortable events. More or less as an American public, we crave them; we need them we need them the same way a crack-head needs another hit, but why?
By now the entire free world, myself included, got a strange and unforgettable lesson in the realm of geography, inaccessibility to maps, and The Iraq, courtesy of one of the cutest girls east of the
Simply speaking, everyone knew about it within a matter of days and made fun of her, you couldn't help it. There she was, a very attractive, albeit underage (face it, she's still 17) teen who, unintentionally made herself a walking punch line; she was the joke. I'll admit it; I was at happy hour that week drinking margaritas, trying to replicate the hilariousness that was a simple answer to my co-workers. Countless imitations on YouTube, Cracked.com and just about every other pop-culture lampoon got her, and they got her good, now things have subsided, which is good that we've moved on, but why was it a huge deal? And you know it was a huge deal when she came on the Today Show to re-answer the question she was given beforehand at the pageant
(Side note: Pretty interesting thought: when this happened, it was soon learned Ms. South
The whole Ms. South
As you can imagine, being a Super Bowl MVP has its spoils, and for a newly single, multimillionaire that spoil often results in hot women. The final result of this spoil: Gisele Bundchen. Yes, the unbelievably smoking hot model. (More reason to hate Tom Brady). So, what am I trying to get at with all of this? Well, two things a) Leonardo DiCaprio is no Tom Brady (just proving that women are more attracted to jocks than actors) and b) even celebrities have squabbles. So, what exactly are they squabbling about?
Well, the result of Tom and Bridget having intercourse (hehe) was a baby. Towards the end of the relationship between Tom and Bridget was not ideal, she wasn't too thrilled about him getting to have Leo's sloppy seconds. Eventually the baby was born, but not without a lot of public squabble. First, Bridget made the decision to have the baby on Gisele's birthday, a day in which she knew Tom would have to decide whether or not to be at the birth of his kid, or with his girlfriend on her birthday. What's the right answer? Is there one? Yeah, there is: wear a condom and hopefully you wont be in this predicament. Oh, and to make matters even more damning to Tom, Bridget named the child John Edward Thomas Moynahan. The initials, yeah JETS, the Patriot's bitter rival. What a bitch…although, I think it's totally kick-ass she would do that
But see, the thing is, things like this, very trivial, and very irrelevant to the world and what's going on in it is what we hear about. How would you like to be Tom Brady? What is the right play there? I don't know, and I don't think Leonardo knows either, now that's a guy I feel bad for, not only was he in the crapfest known as Titanic but also had his woman jacked from him too. But, why do we care about this stuff? Why is it fun to see people go through humiliation or uncomfortable situations like this?
About a month ago we witnessed one of the greatest and saddest performances by one of the most perplexing celebrities of the past 20 years. Not more than 5 years ago she was probably one of the most sought after women in the world. Fake images of her would pop up all over the internet; spam email would fill your inbox saying how they caught a nipple slip from her. Basically she was the Holy Grail of unattainable celebrities. Not more than 2 years ago she made one of the biggest mistakes of her life; she cheated on her popular boyfriend and proceeded to make questionable decision after questionable decision all culminating with a horrific live performance on MTV. Granted, she would have been fine if her body was pre-two kids, but unfortunately, she could have been described with this phrase "sleeve of a wizard" Think about that one for a minute…
Yes, Britney has had her stock fall as fast as Enron. She was untouchable, she was perfect, she was everything, she was the crush everyone had, and everyone knew it. But, as soon as her break-up with Justin happened, her life went to shit. And boy didn't the public enjoy it? Now, Britney is the final piece in the
As I have been saying, a lot of people get enjoyment out of seeing other people, mostly famous celebrities fail, or go through the same events in which we go through everyday. How many times have we said a stupid answer to someone who asked us a serious question only to think, "Holy shit, what did I just say". I know I have done that countless times and I will continue to do that, unintentionally, but even then I will do it intentionally, that's life. I am sure you know of people in relationships who have kids with other ex's and are involved with others; there are hundreds of them. It happens all the time. Of course, they're not all Super Bowl MVP's but, there are people like that. Hey, remember that one girl in high school who had everything, the looks, the nice clothes, the grades, the popularity, seemingly everything. How is that different than Britney, how many times do you hear about those people you knew in high school, in college, or just plain knew fall from their pedestal? It happens all time. People who have everything and are at the top, sometimes have no where to go than to the bottom, no one can stay on top throughout their entire life; it's impossible.
See, the reason we need things like this from celebrities, from people who are famous for no reason, basically anyone except us is because it gives us a sense of normalcy. Look, we all have problems in our lives, some people have significant others who aren't faithful to one another (like Alex Rodriguez getting spotted with his infamous hooker), others are struggling single-parent woman trying to rise above the situation they are in (like every Lifetime Movie on Saturday). See, the reason we need these situations is because it makes us feel as if we aren't alone; we're not the only ones who crazy shit happens to. We see celebs, movie stars, athletes, porn stars, go through some of the same shit we do, and it makes us know that even though the may have more status, fame, and money than some of us, they aren't immune to some of the same problems that we go through. It's a reassuring thought, even though we may not acknowledge it, it is; those people who have their dirty laundry aired out in the media go through the same shit we do. After all we're human…no matter how you strip it, fortune and fame, rich or broke, faithful or unfaithful, we all have problems and knowing there are other high-profile people going through what we go through, just puts us at ease, because I mean if Pee Wee Herman can get busted for whacking off in a porno theater, who's to say you can't?
Like I said, I don't know much and I don't know if what I wrote makes sense, but all I know is that I might stop making fun of Nickelback, because I am sure there are other things that suck just as much in my life as much as they do. On second thought, nope I cant think of anything that blows like Nickelback, so if you excuse me, I am off because one thing that doesn't suck the weekend, which means three things: a) golf b) a lot of college/pro football and c) Buffalo chicken sandwich from Hooters. Stay low…
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