"I just wish they made movies the way they used to...you know, the classics. Like Harold and Maude', or 'The Karate Kid".
-Matt Dillon in "There's Something About Mary".
And really, who can argue with those thoughtful, and profound words? No, I am not talking about Harold, or Maude, but, as a matter of fact, I am speaking about movie cinema's favorite kid from Resesda, New Jersey, Daniel LaRusso aka The Karate Kid.
If you havent seen "The Karate Kid" at least once in your life, seriously, there might be something wrong with you. I would suggest going to the doctor and verifying with him that you are still in fact alive. Released in 1984, there is really no excuse for you not to see this movie. As a matter of fact, I demand that you have seen this movie before you continue to read this blog, otherwise, you would be violating some part of the Consitution. Ok, I dont know if there's anything in the Consitution about the Karate Kid, but there should be...
Ok, now that we have gotten rid of the poseur Karate Kid fans, we can move right along with the good stuff. Really, I know I am biased in my analysis and opinions about the Karate Kid, but, this could quite posibly be one of the greatest movies of all time, let alone the 1980's. When you start to think of all-time greatest 80's movies, "16 Candles", "The Breakfast Club", "Top Gun" all come to mind immediately, but I gurantee you that the Karate Kid is right up there in the movie category. I would even say that it is the quintessential 80's movie of all time. Yes, I am serious.
Let's get a quick recap of the movie and go into certain parts, and I will add my usual comedic banter/insight to various parts and see if we cant figure out what makes the Karate Kid "The Godfather of movies that were released in the 80's about kids who take karate "
Our protagonist, Daniel LaRusso and his single-parent mother leave New Jersey in their beloved station wagon to move to California because Daniel's mother (take note here) get a new job working with computers. As the story unfolds, Daniel falls in love with Ali, a girl from the Hills, who happens to have broken up with one of the baddest mofo's of all time, Johnny, the lead henchman for the Cobra Kai's, a select karate group that rides motorbikes and smokes joints in the bathrooms during school dances. (Editors note: they couldnt have been too select because the fat kid from "Head of the Class" was a Cobra Kai, as was Lamar Latrell, the gay black dude from "Revenge of the Nerds") Anyway, throughout the movie, Johnny makes it his job to torment Daniel because, well, Daniel is a giant puss. Along the way, Daniel meets an Asian known as Mr. Myagi. Mr. saves Daniel from one of the worst beatings since the 2005 Big 12 Championship game and fights 379173 Cobra Kais at the same time. Mr. Myagi goes to the Cobra Kai headquarters and says, "leave boy alone. let him train and prepare for tournament". This thrills Daniel because somehow he gets involved in entering a karate tournament he didnt even have a say in. Well, Mr. teaches Daniel about karate, self-confidence, and how to pick-up chicks with help of a 1950's yellow convertible. The finale scenes take place at said tournament and it is there we have some of the greatest movie lines in history ("give him a body bag", "sweep the leg", and "Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight?!?!") as well as the main reason for all ankle sprains in 1984...the crane kick. You can imagine how the movie ends, right?
What isnt there to love about this movie. It your classic underdog story, possibly the greatest underdog movie of the 80's. What about "Rocky"? you might ask? Well, smartguy, the original "Rocky" was released in 1976, therefore, by 4 years, "Rocky" doesnt count as the 80's. He is in love with Ali, with an "i", who for '84 was smoking, and rich (good combination). He has no friends (get to that later) , lacks self-confidence and on top of that when he goes on dates, his mom has to drive them everywhere they go in a vintage 198-shit station wagon. I mean, really, he has a lot going for him huh?
So, why does Daniel get picked on so much? Well, as with almost everything in the world, it can be summed up with one word: "girls". Kidding, but not really. All of the problems start when Daniel meets Ali. At the beach party is when we first see some type of mutal attraction between the two. Well, what do you know, this doesnt sit well with Johnny, Ali's ex boyfriend. He sees the two canoodling and flirting, and he does what every self-respecting man would do; he takes away Ali's radio. Now, I dont know about you, but if that was me, no one messes with my radio. Apparently, Daniel follows this creed too and defends Ali. Bad idea. He proceeds to get the crap kicked out of him, thus we have Daniel laying face down on the beach with his pride destroyed, not to mention his body. And, from this point on, the Cobra Kai's have marked Daniel as their #1 whipping boy.
I wanna interject, if I may, for a bit. Seriously, what the hell was Daniel thinking, or better yet, what head was he thinking with? I mean, Ali was way out of his league, her friends hated him, and he didnt even have a car to pick up chicks (until Mr. Myagi hooked him up). Was he like, "you know, what, sometimes you just have to say, 'what the fuck and go for it?'" Well, apparently he did, and thats why he is one of my heroes. Love that guy...and his mom's station wago.
So far, we have a kid who has just gotten the crapped kick out of him at the beach in front of all these new people (who then leave him at the beach, good going guys!), he has been kicked off the soccer team for fighting (while Bananarama's "Cruel Summer" is playing), is still getting picked on by Cobra Kai's, wrecked his bike, and dresses like a dork. Man, what did he do wrong to deserve all this? Ah yes, I remember, damn girls.
Somehow along the way Daniel comes across Mr. Myagi who first teaches him how to trim a bonsai tree, because really, every 15 year old must know how to do that. One night when Daniel is at Mr. Myagi's garage at 9pm on a Friday night, which is kinda creepy anyway, Mr. Myagi makes him a costume so Daniel can go to a school dance. Well, the costume is allsome. He makes a shower and Daniel parades around the dance in a shower and finally gets some alone time with Ali. No, he doesnt score (pervs) but he does make some head way. Seeing the Cobra Kai's in a bathroom stall, rolling up some joints no less, Daniel figures one way to get back at them is to get their doobage wet and worthless. This works because we see the Cobra Kais run after Daniel and find him in a field and have open house on his face and pummel him (again). This time Mr Myagi comes out of no where and defends Daniel with his form of karate (which features a kick to someones nuts). Now, it is on.
Daniel and Mr Myagi form together to battle the Cobra Kais in an all-valley karate tournament to fight the Cobra Kais and crush them. Along the way, we see how Mr Myagi teaches Daniel how to learn karate while doing household chores like waxing, sanding, and painting. So, in other words, Daniel learns karate and Mr. Myagi gets his house redone. Fantastic for both parties involved! All along Daniel is starting to learn more about karate and life, not to mention how to remodel a house and a backyard. Well, apparently Ali notcies the change in Daniel, either that, or she wants him to remodel her parents house, without karate lessons. It also helps matters when Mr Myagi gives Daniel a classic yellow convertible to help Daniel score with the ladies. Well, it was either that, or because he didnt want the government to prosecute him for violation of child labor laws.
Cue to the tournament, Mr Myagi lies to tournament officials by sayinn Daniel is a black belt when in fact the only belt he has is probably a canvas one his mother bought him. Daniel systematically defeats the junior varsity Cobra Kais and works his way up to the varsity members of the Cobra Kais. In one of the fights, Bobby (a good hearted Cobra Kai member) kicks Daniel in the leg and puts hi, as the sensei would say, "out of commission". In the locker room his family is there for him, with Ali in the background saying, "god, why am I with him". ok, she didnt say that, but it crossed her mind. If Daniel is unable to compete, Johnny will win the tournament. Daniel knows this and asks Mr Myagi if there is anything he can do to help, well, as luck has it, Mr myagi is also a certified massage therapist and rubs Daniel on a special spot and, wahlah, Daniel can now move. Here we here the immortal words of the ring announcer after hearing from Ali..."Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight?!?!"
I cant do the final scene justice with words, so with the help of youtube, I will supply the link for you to see the final scene. Check it out here. Final Scene.
So there you have it. A classic movie, a clasic fight and finally a huge victory for underdogs everywhere. No matter what happens in life, when the odds are stacked against you and there seems like no hope in life, remember this: a few household chores can transform you into a karate champion. You are the best around, nothing's ever gonna keep you down. And it is because of this that I am paying homage to Daniel LaRusso at my birthday party. Pics will be posted soon, but until then, as Mr Myagi said, "man, who catch fly with chopstick, accomplish anything". He also said "daniel-san, vaccum living room after done waxing on and off"; well, maybe not really, but then again why would you want to include such nonsense in a movie so flawless as the karate kid. Bonsai!!
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